Sunday, March 15, 2015

Baseball Buddy

I am looking for a baseball buddy to be in business with me.

Note that I said I am in the baseball business.

Baseball has been very good to me. My Casey at the Bat page on Facebook is very popular and it will be part of your contribution to keep my social media page out there to the public.

My audience performance sells itself as I have a taped segment from a TV show performed for the San Diego Padres audience that can be accessed by all interested in booking me.

Ostensibly, that is your primary function--to book me to parties, groups, clubs, teams. etc who want to share an hour or more laughs with me during my one man show.

I handle the live show, but you do all the booking---so you see after a short time, we can become quite a team.

If you love baseball, selling, groups and comedy--maybe we should talk more.

I know you will find me.

Hope you get a hit today.


Sunday, March 01, 2015

Casey in the Classroom

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville Nine that Day
The score stood 4-2 with but one more inning to play
And so when Cooney died at First and Burrows did the same
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

Do you like baseball? Maybe this little poem written in 1888 will start you on your way to inviting baseball into your life.

I played for the Mudville Nine. 80 years later. little known to my followers, I finished my hardball career with the Mudville 9. The names changed over the years from Cooney and Burrows to Dandy and the Hat. I shared the stories as we rode the bus to away games at Half Hollow Hills and Ward Melville.

Why did I tell stories? Because I could make my teammates laugh. I bet I can make you laugh as well. I am certainly going to try. Along the way, you will learn one of the best known poems in baseball lore and a few new words as well.

So climb into the Time Machine with me and let's go back to that day in Mudville when Lawrence Thayer brought me to lifeon a June afternoon and put me on the Sport Pages of the Hearst paper, San Francisco Examiner. It was June, 1888 and I was a ballplayer. Ballplaying is my life.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Olivia and Whitman

My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know, there's just no gettin' over you.
I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and talk high school
But baby can't you see, I want to be that kind of fool
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's our Facebook Page
Since you sent me on my way, it's all the rage
hopelessly devoted to you.
Walt Whitman High School Hall of Fame
Walt Whitman High School Hall of Fame
My head is saying 2,000, that's plenty
my heart is saying let's ADD just one more
Hold on to the end that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you.
But now there's nowhere to hide
since you pushed my Wildcat love aside I'm not in my head
Walt Whitman High School Hall of Fame
Walt Whitman High School Hall of Fame
Walt Whitman High School Hall of Fame

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The outlook was dour for this young girl today.
She had been bullied at school and wanted to stay away.
The school had a Melville field trip to attend our game
And she penned me a letter of which I include the same.

Dear Casey: My school is coming to see you play
But when I was told, I said NO WAY!
The girl who bullies me will be on the bus.
And all she does is hit me, bite me and cuss.

I tried to tell the school that this girl is so bad
I tried to tell my mom, we still can't find my dad.
Do you have any advice to a girl who is beginning to lose my will
I have tried so many things-the latest was this little pill

I read her letter with a lump in my throat and a tear slid down my face.
I was paralyzed with anger--it froze me in my place.
I had an idea and told our manager and he connected me to a man
These kids were coming to a ballgame, but we had a plan.

The team set the kids up in a suite, it was really a big deal.
Not just ball park dogs, but a nutritious and savory meal.
Then I came on stage and the kids were the would seem
I told them the team was planning an anti-bullying council and we needed a team

There were many volunteers, even the so called bully wanted to know more
I get paid plenty for playing ball, but that day I was willing to be poor.
I saw how great kids can act when encouraged to show their pride.
My teammates learned from kids what is like to work with those on your side.

That little girl wrote me back in the last week of the season.
I am not writing you this letter for any special reason.
Just to say you probably saved a life---this has become my obsession
and my new best friend--well you might guess her name without my mention.

Oh somewhere in this treasured land the sun is shining bright
And some kids are playing in the snow and somewhere hearts are light.
And somewhere bands are playing and somewhere children brag.
And Casey is off to Spring Training with this letter in his bag

Thursday, February 12, 2015


The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Melville Nine that day.
The score stood 2-1 but with one more inning left to play.
And so when the Greek grounded out and Toomy did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few near the Wildcat bench got up to leave.
The rest clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast.
They thought if only Wags could get a chance at that.
They would put up even money now with Wags at the bat.

But Dandy preceded Casey as did also Stevie Blake
And the latter was a fabulist and the former was a fake.
So upon this stricken multitude, melancholy sat
For there seemed little chance Wags would ever get to bat.

But Dandy let drive a single and to the wonderment of all,
Blake, the much maligned, tore the cover off the ball.
And when the dust had lifted, they saw what had occurred.
There was Blake safe at Second and Dandy perched at Third.

Then from two hundred throats rose up a muffled roar.
You could hear it from Steer Inn to across the Huntington shore.
It shook the South Cafeteria and the North Gym where the cheerleaders sat.
Wags, mighty Wags was advancing to the bat..

Four hundred eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt.
Wags put on that fur lined mitten he hid under his WILDCAT shirt.
And while the fearsome Northport pitcher dug the ball into his hip.
Defiance gleamed in Wags eye, a sneer curled Wags lip.

And now the leather covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
but Wags stood a watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the skinny batsman, the ball unheeded sped.
That ain't my style said Wags. STRIKE ONE the umpire said.

Coach Ralph turned crimson like the time in April when MLK was shot.
He yelled back to the umpire in that booming voice I THINK NOT!
But with a smile of Jewish benevolence, Wags personalty shone.
He stopped the rising tumult. He bade the game go on.

He signaled to the pitcher and once more the spheroid flew.
But Wags still ignored it and the umpire said STRIKE TWO!
Fraud! Cried the freeloaders at Wildcat Field and the echo answered FRAUD!
But one startled look from Wags and the audience was awed.

The smile is gone from Wags face; His teeth are clenched in hate.
And with cruel violence, he pounds his Jackie Robinson model on the plate
And now the Tiger pitcher has the ball and now he lets it go 
And now the air is shattered by the force of Wags blow.

Oh , somewhere in South Huntington, people believe soon there won't be snow.
And somewhere Whitman opens up on time and we all get younger you know.
And in a week or so pitchers and catchers report and somewhere children shout.
But we all remember the year of MLK, RFK and when Wags hit one out.

Sunday, January 04, 2015

Hit Man

I am an American hit man. Do you love baseball? Would you like to work for an underground group? Do you like killing morons in this country? 

I perform a comedy act on stage which centers around baseball. My growing popularity and the expansion of the Internet gives me carte blanche to remove certain undesirable elements in our country. Believe me, these mountebanks will not be missed.

Your role will be to get my act booked across America. For this, you need to love baseball, love America and have the desire to become part of being something bigger than yourself.

My baseball character goes back to 1888 and turns audiences into a miasma of laughter. I am a performer, but I need help extending my audience. If you see yourself in such a role, contact me directly. I hope to see you soon.

So, this was going to be the way it was. My life had changed. I had become part of a movement in America. To join the 1% I had to agree to sell my soul.

I thought for a moment.

What did I really have to lose?

Saturday, January 03, 2015

The Internet

When I came home, I was greeted by a new computer which now dominated my tiny living space.

I rented a room from a woman who owned a flood of flophouses. Since I had been retired from the age of 30, poverty was the norm. I had never cottoned to the computer age. When I was in B School, computers were mysterious and housed in large rooms which spit out cards and the whole deal was run with a technological language which escaped me. I speak English and all other languages are a  waster of my personal time. Know thyself.

I could have been a moron to operate this system. The machine ran itself. A message appeared.

Dear Steve:

Your mission is to eliminate the woman who is the hostess/owner of the Jewish Deli. Her name is Deborah. You need not bother yourself with the reasons. 

You will establish your alibi by performing at a Houston Astros fan rally in Irving, Texas.Whenever we have an update we will send it to you via this machine or your new phone which is under your pillow. You have now become a government operative. Any disclosure of this information will result in your untimely end.

What lengths had I gone to become a millionaire? Murder? It seemed like someone thought I was the perfect dupe to carry out these crimes while pretending to entertain others miles away. How was I expected to eliminate someone? Would further instructions be on the way? What f I didn't want to go to Texas? How was I expected to travel? Suddenly, my life had gone from simple to complicated. I waited for something to be added to the computer message. Instead, after a minute or so, it went blank..